Getting to know more people rather than fixating on just one: You can’t predict compatibility before meeting someone

1. Getting to know more people rather than fixating on just one: You can’t predict compatibility before meeting someone

Cost: No cost at all. Spend time getting to know several people instead of obsessing over just one. The hard part is resisting the urge to fixate on a single person.

In plain terms: Two speed-dating studies asked participants to fill out over 100 questionnaires about their preferences in a partner before any meetings took place. These questionnaires could only reveal how likely someone is to like others in general, and how popular they tend to be — they couldn’t predict whether two specific people would hit it off. Compatibility can only be determined by meeting in person. Therefore, it’s far more worthwhile to get to know multiple people than to bet everything on just one.

Benefit: In both speed-dating studies, participants completed more than 100 self-report questionnaires related to partner preferences prior to meeting potential matches. Researchers then applied a random forest model — an algorithm designed to detect patterns — to analyze the data. This model could predict “how likely an individual is to like others overall,” with the questionnaires accounting for 4%–18% of the variance in such tendencies; this represents only a small fraction of the total differences between individuals. It could also predict “how popular an individual tends to be,” explaining 7%–27% of variance. However, it completely failed to predict whether two specific individuals would be compatible; no combination of pre-meeting traits or preferences could be used to forecast their mutual attraction. Earlier, the same research team conducted another speed-dating experiment where participants reported their own ideal preferences — whether they valued physical appearance or financial prospects more. Even this information couldn’t predict how interested they’d be in a particular person during the actual date.

Evidence grade: A

Sources: Joel S, Eastwick PW, Finkel EJ (2017). Is romantic desire predictable? Machine learning applied to initial romantic attraction. Psychological Science, 28(10), 1478-1489. <https://doi.org/10.1177/0956797617714580>; Eastwick PW, Finkel EJ (2008). Sex differences in mate preferences revisited: do people know what they initially desire in a romantic partner? Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(2), 245-264. <https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.94.2.245>

Notes: Both studies clearly state that compatibility cannot be predicted before meeting someone — they do not claim that all efforts to predict it are futile. Since true compatibility can only be determined by face-to-face interaction, it makes far more sense to invest time in meeting multiple people individually rather than placing all hopes on just one. Keep in mind that all study participants were university students from Western countries; China’s dating environment differs significantly, so these findings should be applied with some caution.