To build closeness, have two people take turns answering a series of progressively deeper questions — no script needed

5. To build closeness, have two people take turns answering a series of progressively deeper questions — no script needed

Cost: No cost involved. It takes 45 minutes to complete.

In plain terms: Pair two strangers up and have them take turns answering 36 questions grouped into three levels of depth. After 45 minutes, their sense of closeness is noticeably higher than in a control group that simply chatted for the same amount of time. What drives this effect is the act of taking turns to share honest thoughts at increasing levels of depth, not any pre-planned conversational script. Keep in mind this measure only captures short-term closeness, and does not guarantee the development of a long-term relationship.

Benefit: This method pairs two unfamiliar people to answer 36 questions in total, arranged in three tiers of increasing depth. The questions range from “Who is the person you’d most like to invite for dinner?” to “When was the last time you cried in front of someone?” After 45 minutes, the participants report a higher sense of closeness compared to those who only chatted for the same duration. Their reported closeness also exceeds the average rating college students give to their closest real-life relationships.

Evidence grade: B

Sources: Aron A, Melinat E, Aron EN, Vallone RD, Bator RJ (1997). The experimental generation of interpersonal closeness: a procedure and some preliminary findings. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 23(4), 363-377. <https://doi.org/10.1177/0146167297234003>

Notes: Only one experiment has been conducted so far, with college students as participants. It measures short-term closeness only, not whether a lasting relationship can form. The core mechanism at work here is that closeness grows when two people take turns sharing genuine personal details at progressively deeper levels — rather than relying on scripts, tricks or one-sided efforts. The key takeaway for practical use is to “share something honest about yourself, then ask a similarly personal question back”, and make sure both parties get a turn to do so.