Long-distance relationships aren’t worse than local ones — the real challenge comes in the first three months after moving in together

6. Long-distance relationships aren’t worse than local ones — the real challenge comes in the first three months after moving in together

Cost: There are travel expenses to consider, plus the time spent traveling back and forth. Couples see each other far less often than those living in the same city, making it difficult to maintain the relationship over the long term without regular contact.

In plain terms: Long-distance relationships actually tend to be more stable while the couple remains apart, since seeing each other infrequently allows each person to idealize the other. The real difficulty emerges only after they move in together. Data shows that roughly half of long-distance couples eventually transition to living locally, while the other half end their relationship while still apart. Among those who reunite, one-third break up within three months of moving together.

Benefit: Two separate studies reach the same conclusion: long-distance relationships are generally more stable than local ones while the couple remains separated. This stability stems from a significantly higher degree of idealization — meaning each partner tends to view the other more favorably than reality warrants. The studies measured factors such as idealized distortion, romantic love, relationship memories, and perceived similarity. Moreover, the less frequently couples meet, the more positively they tend to view each other. However, this stability holds only while they remain apart; once they live in the same city, long-distance couples are far more likely to split up. One longitudinal study found that about half of long-distance couples eventually moved in together, while the other half ended their relationship while still apart. Of those who reunited, one-third broke up within three months of living together. The longer the intervals between visits while apart, and the greater the degree of idealization, the less stable the relationship tends to be after reuniting.

Evidence grade: B

Sources: Stafford L, Merolla AJ, Castle JD (2006). When long-distance dating partners become geographically close. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 23(6), 901-919. <https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407506070472>; Stafford L, Merolla AJ (2007). Idealization, reunions, and stability in long-distance dating relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 24(1), 37-54. <https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407507072578>; Dargie E et al. (2015). Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 41(2), 181-202. <https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2013.864367> (Remarks on the off-site study)

Notes: These findings are based on romantic relationships among American university students, excluding married couples, and date back to an earlier era; thus, absolute percentages should not be applied directly to current populations. Another study surveyed 717 long-distance couples and 425 local couples, finding only minimal differences in overall relationship quality between the two groups. Ultimately, relationship success depends on the individuals involved and the nature of their bond itself, rather than physical distance. The key takeaway is this: do not assume that long-distance relationships are destined to fail. Instead, couples should prepare for the initial months after reuniting, when personal independence diminishes, mutual understanding increases, and conflicts or jealousy are more likely to arise.