29-007 · EVIDENCE B · SOURCE-SENSITIVE
After a parent dies, tell the child the truth, let him attend the funeral, and don’t send him to another environment
家长去世后，如实告诉孩子、让他参加告别、别送去别处「换个环境」
There is no monetary cost. The difficulty lies in the fact that you yourself are grieving, yet you must still explain things clearly to your child.
Children who lose a father or mother before age 18 have a mortality rate in early adulthood that is roughly 50% higher than those who have not experienced such a loss. If the death was due to unnatural causes such as accidents or suicide, the risk rises by about 80%. If it was due to illness or other natural causes, the risk is about 30% higher. This is not something a child simply forgets after a few days; the effects can last many years. What you can do is tell the truth, let him attend the funeral, keep him in school, and avoid sending him to relatives’ homes to “change his environment.”
B
Move “After a parent dies, tell the child the truth, let him attend the funeral, and don’t send him to another environment” to Future Me's calendar
The excuse
One more exception feels free because the bill arrives outside the current scene.
What feels good now
Today I keep a few minutes, a bit of persistence and avoid interrupting my default routine.
What the source says
The source summarizes the return this way: “Children who lose a father or mother before age 18 have a mortality rate in early adulthood that is roughly 50% higher than those who have not experienced such a loss. If the death was due to unnatural causes such as accidents or suicide, the risk rises by about 80%. If it was due to illness or other natural causes, the risk is about 30% higher. This is not something a child simply forgets after a few days; the effects can last many years. What you can do is tell the truth, let him attend the funeral, keep him in school, and avoid sending him to relatives’ homes to “change his environment.”” Evidence grade B. The original states the population, caveats, and sources; this is not a personal forecast.
Use the original facts and limits. For an urgent medical, safety, financial, or legal issue, contact a qualified local professional or service.
THE ENGLISH EDITION
Original recommendation and evidence
7. After a parent dies, tell the child the truth, let him attend the funeral, and don’t send him to another environment
Cost: There is no monetary cost. The difficulty lies in the fact that you yourself are grieving, yet you must still explain things clearly to your child.
In plain terms: Children who lose a father or mother before age 18 have a mortality rate in early adulthood that is roughly 50% higher than those who have not experienced such a loss. If the death was due to unnatural causes such as accidents or suicide, the risk rises by about 80%. If it was due to illness or other natural causes, the risk is about 30% higher. This is not something a child simply forgets after a few days; the effects can last many years. What you can do is tell the truth, let him attend the funeral, keep him in school, and avoid sending him to relatives’ homes to “change his environment.”
Benefit: This data includes the entire populations born in Denmark from 1968 to 2008 and in Sweden from 1973 to 2006, plus 89.3% of those born in Finland from 1987 to 2007 — a total of over 7.3 million people. Among them, 189,094 lost one or both parents before age 18. Their overall mortality rate is 50% higher than that of peers who have not experienced such a loss (mortality ratio 1.50, 95% CI 1.43–1.58, roughly 1.5 times higher). For deaths caused by unnatural reasons, the ratio is 1.84 (1.71–2.00), an increase of about 80%. For deaths due to natural causes, it is 1.33 (1.24–1.41), a rise of about 30%. The risk is highest when the child’s cause of death matches that of the parent.
Evidence grade: B
Sources: Li J, et al. (2014). Mortality after parental death in childhood: a nationwide cohort study from three Nordic countries. PLoS Medicine. <https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1001679>
Notes: When speaking to your child, do not make up stories such as “Mom or Dad has gone away on a trip.” Any arrangements regarding guardianship and upbringing must be put in writing. This recommendation is graded B not because the figures lack solidity; these statistics come from longitudinal studies of entire populations in three countries, which would merit an A rating on their own. The lower grade reflects the absence of direct experimental evidence linking these mortality figures to specific ways of communicating with children or involving them in funerals. The authors also point out that data on parent-child relationships and children’s lifestyles after such a loss are lacking. Both genetic factors and long-term effects of bereavement contribute to these elevated mortality rates. Details on designated guardians and property arrangements can be found in Section 17, while information on child support and schooling is covered in Section 18.
Read the complete Chinese source and notes
7. 家长去世后，如实告诉孩子、让他参加告别、别送去别处「换个环境」
成本: 不花钱。难在自己也正难受，还得跟孩子把话说清楚。
说人话: 18 岁前失去父亲或母亲的孩子，到成年早期死亡的概率比没经历过的孩子高约五成。父母死于意外、自杀的高约八成，死于疾病的高约三成。家里能做的是如实告诉他，让他参加告别，别中断上学，别送去亲戚家换环境。
收益: 丹麦 1968 至 2008 年、瑞典 1973 至 2006 年出生的全部人口都算进来。再加上芬兰 1987 至 2007 年出生者里抽出的 89.3%。合计逾 730 万人。其中 189,094 人在 18 岁前失去父母。这批孩子各种原因加起来的死亡率，比没丧亲的人高 50%（死亡率比 1.50，95% CI 1.43–1.58，即约 1.5 倍）。父母死于意外、自杀这类非自然原因的是 1.84（1.71–2.00），高约八成。死于疾病等自然原因的是 1.33（1.24–1.41），高约三成。孩子的死因和父母的死因属同一类时最高
证据等级: B
来源: Li J, et al. (2014). Mortality after parental death in childhood: a nationwide cohort study from three Nordic countries. PLoS Medicine. <https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pmed.1001679>
备注: 跟孩子说的时候别编「出远门了」，监护和抚养的安排要落到书面。给 B 不是因为数字不硬。这是三个国家全体人口的跟踪研究，数字本身够 A 级。给 B 是因为从这个数字到「怎么跟孩子说、要不要参加告别」的具体做法之间，没有直接试验证据。作者也写明，丧亲后亲子关系和孩子生活方式的数据都缺。升高里既有天生体质的成分，也有丧亲留下的长期影响。指定监护人和安排财产见第 17 节。孩子的抚养费和上学见第 18 节。
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