CHAPTER 29 · 13 SOURCE ENTRIES

Recovering from Major Life Blows

遭遇重大打击之后

[← 回总目录](../README.md) 亲人去世、被告知重病、失业、离婚。这几件事在研究里有个共同点：出事的不只是心情，还有身体。风险最高的那一段，集中在头几周到头一年。这一节不讲怎么「走出来」，只讲这段时间里哪些事必须有人盯住，哪些决定必须往后放，什么时候该去挂号。多数条目算的是死亡概率。谈花钱和待遇的四条算的是钱：别一上来就花钱做哀伤咨询（第 9 条）、打 12356 和挂心理门诊（第 11 条）、不可逆的大决定往后推（第 12 条）、别拿死当还债的办法（第 13 条）。两类数字不互相换算。没有亲人也没有朋友可找的，「找个人盯住」这句话怎么落地见第 6 条。亲人去世当时的手续、遗体

Open this pinned source chapter ↗

29-001

Evidence AlifespanSource-sensitive

After a loved one passes, don’t stay alone for the first few days. Those with heart disease, high blood pressure, or diabetes should keep taking their medication. If you feel pressure or pain in the chest, call 120 right away.

亲人刚走的那几天别一个人待着，有心脏病、高血压、糖尿病的照常吃药，胸口压着疼就叫 120

In the first day after losing a loved one, the risk of a heart attack is about 21.1 times higher than normal, then it drops each day afterward. For people aged 60 to 89, the rate of heart attacks or strokes within 30 days of losing a spouse roughly doubles compared to the general population, then returns to normal after a month. Those already dealing with heart disease must not skip their medication. Chest pressure, shortness of breath, or weakness in one arm or leg are clear emergency signs — call 120 immediately.

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “After a loved one passes, don’t stay alone for the first few days. Those with heart disease, high blood pressure, or diabetes should keep taking their medication. If you feel pressure or pain in the chest, call 120 right away.” to Future Me's calendar

One more exception feels free because the bill arrives outside the current scene.

Today I keep a few minutes and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-002

Evidence AlifespanSource-sensitive

On the week you receive a cancer diagnosis, don’t go alone to pick up the results — postpone non‑treatment decisions

被告知重病诊断的那一周，别一个人去拿报告，治疗以外的决定往后放

In the first week after receiving a cancer diagnosis, the risk of suicide is roughly 12.6 times higher than among people without a diagnosis, while the risk of dying from cardiovascular disease is about 5.6 times higher. By the end of the first year this drops to roughly 3.1 times; the effect is especially pronounced for harder‑to‑treat cancers. The greatest risk exists during those first few days, after which it falls quickly. Therefore, bring a companion when picking up the results and avoid being alone at home. Decisions such as quitting your job or selling your house can wait until your next appointment.

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “On the week you receive a cancer diagnosis, don’t go alone to pick up the results — postpone non‑treatment decisions” to Future Me's calendar

I can spend longer deciding whether to start than the small action would take.

Today I keep a few minutes and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-003

Evidence AlifespanSource-sensitive

After losing a job, it’s important to set a regular sleep schedule, keep yibao (basic medical insurance) active, and plan job searches methodically — don’t just stay at home all day.

失业之后先把作息、医保和找工作的节奏固定下来，别整天待在家里

People who are unemployed have a roughly 60% higher chance of dying in the years that follow compared to those still employed. This effect is stronger among younger men and peaks during the first decade after job loss. Some of this risk can be controlled: studies that also accounted for smoking and drinking showed a 25% smaller increase in mortality. Registering as unemployed and claiming benefits also ensures that employee medical insurance stays active (see Section 7).

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “After losing a job, it’s important to set a regular sleep schedule, keep yibao (basic medical insurance) active, and plan job searches methodically — don’t just stay at home all day.” to Future Me's calendar

The routine already works until the day the source says it may not.

Today I keep a few minutes, a bit of persistence and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-004

Evidence AlifespanSource-sensitive

People who lose a loved one to suicide, accident, or homicide should seek professional help rather than trying to cope alone

亲人死于自杀、意外或凶案的，别指望硬扛，主动去找专业帮助

Within five years after losing a spouse to suicide, men are about 80% more likely to develop a mental disorder compared to the general population, while women are about 70% more likely. Compared to those whose spouses died from other causes, this risk is still 70% to 100% higher. Such bereaved individuals also tend to feel isolated and ashamed. This is precisely why they should actively seek help rather than waiting for things to get better on their own.

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “People who lose a loved one to suicide, accident, or homicide should seek professional help rather than trying to cope alone” to Future Me's calendar

There is no immediate alarm, so the sensible choice can wait for a less busy week.

Today I keep a few minutes, a bit of persistence and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-005

Evidence AlifespanSource-sensitive

In the first six months after losing a spouse, assign one trusted person to oversee meals, sleep, medication for chronic conditions, and follow‑up appointments

丧偶后的头半年，把三餐、睡觉、慢性病的药和复查交给一个固定的人盯着

Within the first six months after a spouse passes away, the risk of dying is roughly 40% higher than for people who haven’t lost a spouse. After six months it drops to about 15% higher. For men the increase is roughly 23%; for women the difference is so small it may well be a coincidence. This extra risk cannot be offset simply by staying positive. The practical step is to hand off medication, meals, and medical check‑ups to a specific person rather than relying on your own memory.

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “In the first six months after losing a spouse, assign one trusted person to oversee meals, sleep, medication for chronic conditions, and follow‑up appointments” to Future Me's calendar

Future Me has a clearer calendar, more patience, and apparently the same responsibilities.

Today I keep a few minutes, a bit of persistence and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-006

Evidence BlifespanSource-sensitive

For those without family or friends, replace “the person watching over you” with three simple things: a neighbor who can enter your home, a spot on the community outreach list, and emergency contacts saved on your phone.

没有亲人也没有朋友的，把「盯着你的那个人」换成三样东西：能进你家门的邻居、社区的探访名单、手机里的紧急联络

When you have no relatives or friends, two things matter most: ensuring someone notices if something goes wrong, and making sure you eat and take medication on schedule. You can rely on yourself for meals and meds — just write it down and set reminders instead of trusting your memory. To guarantee someone notices, do three things: leave a spare key or temporary lock code with a neighbor, inform the residents’ committee that you live alone so they can add you to their outreach list, and save emergency contacts in your phone while keeping it powered on.

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “For those without family or friends, replace “the person watching over you” with three simple things: a neighbor who can enter your home, a spot on the community outreach list, and emergency contacts saved on your phone.” to Future Me's calendar

If I do not open the notes, no new task has technically appeared.

Today I keep a few minutes, a bit of persistence and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-007

Evidence BlifespanSource-sensitive

After a parent dies, tell the child the truth, let him attend the funeral, and don’t send him to another environment

家长去世后，如实告诉孩子、让他参加告别、别送去别处「换个环境」

Children who lose a father or mother before age 18 have a mortality rate in early adulthood that is roughly 50% higher than those who have not experienced such a loss. If the death was due to unnatural causes such as accidents or suicide, the risk rises by about 80%. If it was due to illness or other natural causes, the risk is about 30% higher. This is not something a child simply forgets after a few days; the effects can last many years. What you can do is tell the truth, let him attend the funeral, keep him in school, and avoid sending him to relatives’ homes to “change his environment.”

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “After a parent dies, tell the child the truth, let him attend the funeral, and don’t send him to another environment” to Future Me's calendar

One more exception feels free because the bill arrives outside the current scene.

Today I keep a few minutes, a bit of persistence and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-008

Evidence AlifespanSource-sensitive

Still stuck in grief after half a year, unable to move on — when to see a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist

哀伤过了半年还在原地、日子过不下去，去精神科或临床心理科挂号

Roughly 1 out of every 10 adults who lose a loved one gets stuck in prolonged grief: after more than six months they still miss the deceased so much they can’t eat, work, or care for their children. They feel numb and see no point in living. This isn’t a sign of personal weakness — it meets specific diagnostic criteria and has dedicated treatments. Targeted therapy achieves a success rate of 51%, while standard psychotherapy reaches only 28% and takes longer to show results.

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “Still stuck in grief after half a year, unable to move on — when to see a psychiatrist or clinical psychologist” to Future Me's calendar

I can spend longer deciding whether to start than the small action would take.

Today I keep a little money, a few minutes, a bit of persistence and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-009

Evidence AmoneySource-sensitive

Don’t spend money on grief counseling right away — first check whether your grief is truly stuck (see the symptoms listed in item 8).

别一上来就花钱做哀伤咨询，先看自己的哀伤是不是真的卡住了（第 8 条那几条症状）

Offering psychological counseling to every bereaved person right after their loss yields little benefit at first, and over time those benefits disappear entirely. The reason is that most people without any intervention would have recovered on their own anyway. However, for those who clearly struggle to adapt, such counseling works just as well as treatment for other mental health issues. So the proper sequence is: first check whether your grief fits the criteria in item 8 (meaning it’s stuck and warrants a visit to a psychiatrist); only if it does should you spend the money on counseling.

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “Don’t spend money on grief counseling right away — first check whether your grief is truly stuck (see the symptoms listed in item 8).” to Future Me's calendar

The routine already works until the day the source says it may not.

Today I keep a few minutes and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-010

Evidence AlifespanSource-sensitive

Don’t drop yibao or turn to alcohol after separating or divorcing

分居离婚之后别断医保、别用酒顶着

An analysis of 6.5 million people across 11 countries shows that separated or divorced individuals face a significantly higher risk of premature death than those still married. This effect is stronger among men and younger adults. The original text does not claim a direct causal link, as divorced people may already differ in health and income. Of the four proposed reasons, two are within personal control: maintaining yibao and regular health check‑ups, and avoiding reliance on tobacco and alcohol.

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “Don’t drop yibao or turn to alcohol after separating or divorcing” to Future Me's calendar

There is no immediate alarm, so the sensible choice can wait for a less busy week.

Today I keep a few minutes, a bit of persistence and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-011

Evidence BmoneySource-sensitive

Call 12356 for general support, 12355 for minors and teens; for medical care, book a psychology clinic appointment

要人陪着说话打 12356，未成年人和青少年打 12355，要看医生挂心理门诊

If you need someone to talk to, dial 12356 — this is the national mental health helpline, and it’s completely free. Minors and teenagers can call 12355, the dedicated youth support service. If you need professional medical care, you can book an appointment at a psychiatry, psychology, or clinical psychology clinic. Community grid workers and social workers are also expected to proactively identify people facing family issues, job loss, or school dropout.

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “Call 12356 for general support, 12355 for minors and teens; for medical care, book a psychology clinic appointment” to Future Me's calendar

Future Me has a clearer calendar, more patience, and apparently the same responsibilities.

Today I keep a few minutes and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-012

Evidence CmoneySource-sensitive

In the first three months after a tragedy, postpone any irreversible major decisions

变故后的头三个月，凡是不可逆的大决定一律往后推

During this period, your ability to judge what truly counts as an “opportunity” is at its weakest. People will approach you with offers — some claiming to let you contact the deceased, others promising to multiply your money, some urging you to quit your job and start anew elsewhere, and still others seeking a business partnership. Set a strict rule for yourself: any decision involving an amount greater than one month’s income, or any choice that would be costly to reverse, must be postponed for three months. First, discuss it with someone who has no personal stake in the matter; you simply need someone to listen so you won’t have to decide on the spot.

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “In the first three months after a tragedy, postpone any irreversible major decisions” to Future Me's calendar

If I do not open the notes, no new task has technically appeared.

Today I keep a few minutes, a bit of persistence and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

29-013

Evidence AmoneySource-sensitive

Don’t treat death as a way to settle debts: life insurance won’t pay out for suicides within two years, workplace injuries won’t be recognized, and debts are still deducted from your estate first.

别拿死当还债的办法：两年内的寿险不赔，工伤不认，债照样先从遗产里扣

If you commit suicide within two years of buying a life insurance policy, the insurer won’t pay out any benefits — only the cash value of the policy is returned. Workplace injuries also won’t be recognized, so no compensation is paid for a work-related death. Any outstanding debts are deducted from your estate first, leaving only the remainder for your family. They also have to bear the health consequences described in Section 4 of this chapter (relatives of suicide victims face a 7–8 times higher risk of developing a mental disorder within five years).

Open the low-ROI detour

Move “Don’t treat death as a way to settle debts: life insurance won’t pay out for suicides within two years, workplace injuries won’t be recognized, and debts are still deducted from your estate first.” to Future Me's calendar

One more exception feels free because the bill arrives outside the current scene.

Today I keep a few minutes and avoid interrupting my default routine.

Read the source and trade-off

Source snapshot: a994b6a0c90598b0fe15cb837343f438dbf7b95d. Every original stays available in Chinese alongside the English edition.