AN ORIGINAL COUNTER-ESSAY
Build a spreadsheet that decides nothing
A low-ROI tour of endlessly comparing hypothetical jobs and cities while avoiding the one question that changes the decision.
Give every uncertainty a new tab
Compare rent, commute, salary and weather to three decimal places. Leave health, relationships and the option to change your mind in the notes column, where they cannot interrupt the formula.
Count the cost already paid
A move becomes impossible once enough effort has gone into researching it. Past effort is a compelling narrator, even though it cannot be recovered; compare the remaining options from today forward.
Use a decision window
Write down what information would change the decision, who can confirm it, and when to decide. That turns research into a tool instead of a hobby with rent.
Return to the complete source
These entries retain the original wording, citations, evidence label and applicability notes. The essay is a separate satire.