Do not hit your child, and do not yell or call them stupid: children who are often hit or verbally abused show more behavior and emotional problems

16. Do not hit your child, and do not yell or call them stupid: children who are often hit or verbally abused show more behavior and emotional problems

Cost: No money. The hard part is stopping your hands and mouth in the heat of the moment and switching to non-violent discipline. What to switch to is covered in item 17 in this section (parenting classes that teach concrete skills).

In plain terms: Children who are often physically punished show more aggression and psychological problems, feel more distant from parents, and receive harsher beating. Whether spanking makes a child obey on the spot is unclear in the evidence. Adolescents who are often yelled at or called stupid at age 13 show more misconduct and depression the next year; warm parenting does not cancel that link.

Benefit: For physical punishment, one meta-analysis counted only open-hand spanking of the buttocks or limbs. It pooled 75 studies with 111 effect sizes and 160,927 children. Of 17 outcomes, 13 were significantly associated with spanking, all in harmful directions. Cohen’s d: 0.2 small, 0.5 medium. Childhood aggression d = 0.37 (95% CI 0.13–0.61). Externalizing problems 0.41 (hitting, rule-breaking). Internalizing 0.24 (anxiety, depression). Mental health problems 0.53. Poor parent–child relationship 0.51. Low self-esteem 0.15. Poor cognitive ability 0.17. Parental physical abuse 0.64. Adult antisocial behavior 0.36. Adult mental health 0.24. Pooled across 111 effects d = 0.33 (0.29–0.38). Immediate compliance was not clearly linked (d = 0.14, −0.19–0.47), with only 5 effect sizes. Another review of 69 longitudinal studies found spanking reliably predicted later behavior problems and no long-term benefits; 7 studies counted frequency, 5 found more spanking linked to worse outcomes. For yelling: a U.S. study followed 976 two-parent families. Frequent yelling, cursing, or calling the child stupid or lazy at age 13 predicted more misconduct and depressive symptoms between ages 13 and 14. Parental warmth did not offset the association; the reverse also held — more misconduct at 13 predicted more yelling later. Under China’s Anti–Domestic Violence Law Article 2, domestic violence includes beating, binding, mutilation, restricting personal freedom, and habitual verbal abuse or intimidation. Article 12 requires guardians to practice civilized family education. When parents harm a child’s rights, neighborhood committees must counsel and stop them and report serious cases to police. Public security, procuratorate, and courts may admonish parents and order family-education guidance (nationwide).

Evidence grade: A

Sources: Gershoff ET, Grogan-Kaylor A. (2016). Spanking and child outcomes: Old controversies and new meta-analyses. Journal of Family Psychology, 30(4), 453–469. <https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000191>; Heilmann A, Mehay A, Watt RG, et al. (2021). Physical punishment and child outcomes: a narrative review of prospective studies. Lancet, 398(10297), 355–364. <https://doi.org/10.1016/S0140-6736(21)00582-1>; Wang MT, Kenny S. (2014). Longitudinal links between fathers' and mothers' harsh verbal discipline and adolescents' conduct problems and depressive symptoms. Child Development, 85(3), 908–923. <https://doi.org/10.1111/cdev.12143>; Ferguson CJ. (2013). Spanking, corporate punishment and negative long-term outcomes: a meta-analytic review of longitudinal studies. Clinical Psychology Review, 33(1), 196–208. <https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2012.11.002>; Larzelere RE, Kuhn BR. (2005). Comparing child outcomes of physical punishment and alternative disciplinary tactics: a meta-analysis. Clinical Child and Family Psychology Review, 8(1), 1–37. <https://doi.org/10.1007/s10567-005-2340-z>; National People's Congress Standing Committee (2015). Anti-Domestic Violence Law (Article 2, 12). <https://flk.npc.gov.cn/detail?id=2c909fdd678bf17901678bf7f9d60889>; National People's Congress Standing Committee (amended in 2024). Protection of Minors Law (Articles 11, 17, 118). <https://flk.npc.gov.cn/detail?id=ff8081818f197cf001905e567af635a0>; National People's Congress Standing Committee (2021). Family Education Promotion Law (Articles 23, 53). <https://flk.npc.gov.cn/detail?id=ff8081817cac3b2d017cac5a6c6f0109>

Notes: Controversial. These studies are almost all observational, not randomized trials, so causation is unclear. In the spanking meta-analysis, 72% of studies were cross-sectional or relied on recall. A meta-analysis of longitudinal studies found that after adjusting for prior child behavior, links to externalizing problems fell to 0.07 and internalizing to 0.10; those authors judged effects small. Another meta-analysis found “conditional” spanking outperformed 10 of 13 alternative discipline methods for reducing defiance and antisocial behavior, but severe or predominant spanking did worse than alternatives. Critics and supporters agree that heavy, frequent hitting and verbal abuse are worse. Occasional single spank or shout is not explicitly labeled domestic violence in the law, which names beating and habitual verbal abuse or intimidation. Main beneficiaries are children. If someone else in the family hits the child, see Section 8, item 43 (personal safety protection orders). Anyone may dissuade or report chronic child abuse to police, civil affairs, or education authorities; for strangers’ households, calling 110 or telling the neighborhood committee is enough — do not force your way in.